How It Is- Where there's a Will (Hayes) there's a Way...

The plan was simple: At 9:00pm, we were going to meet at Starbucks, catch up on old times, and go see an improv show at the iO. Sounds easy enough.

But the cosmos had other ideas.

It's 8:45pm, and I'm on the 22 Clark bus, headed to the Addison stop (directly in front of Wrigley Field.)

As time ticked by, I realize that the sky is getting much darker, much faster than I expected. But that's okay, because I'm meeting up with my best friend of 16 years, and we'll be safe.


9:00pm - I get off the bus, and decide to ask a group of gentlemen where the nearest Starbucks is. They turn out to be not such Gentlemen. Two of them walk away, leaving one behind with me.
"It's right down there baby." He points down a dark street around the corner, then looks me up and down, "Say, beautiful, what's yo name?"

I startle "Uh, oh thanks for the directions." I start to turn. He takes my hand "Hey baby I said what's your name?"

I pull my hand away "Sorry, I can't be telling you that."

"Why can't you tell me?"

I pick up my pace "My name's a Secret. "

"Secret? That's sexy..."

I run about ten feet, and the Starbucks sign glows bright, like a beacon of hope.

I slam the door behind me, breathing a sigh of relief.
I order a drink, pick a seat, and reply to some text messages, when the employee approaches me.

"Ummmm... So you know we're, like, closing right?" He jerks his head to indicate the direction of the door.

"Oh, right now?" I squirm.

"Yeah. Now" I love how they take your money first.

Before I know it, I'm back outside, only this time it's MUCH darker.
And there are NO LAMPS on this side of the corner. But there IS another weirdo.

"Dang baby, you lookin' FINE tonight...."

I immediately turn around and BANG on the Starbucks door.
They pretend to not hear me.
I BANG BANG BANG again,
They still pretend to ignore me.
Finally, I SLAM with all of my might. They look at me like I'm "so rude".
I gesture to open the door.
The one who made my drink ROLLS his eyes, and saunters up to the door.

"Is something WRONG?"
"YES." I direct, "I'm supposed to meet a friend here, Do you MIND if I stand in your lobby until he arrives? I do NOT feel safe out here."
"Fine. I don't blame you. In this part of town? It's horrible. Like, the GHETTO."

That's when I look out the window and notice The Blue Lights.
The Blue Lights are blinking bulbs atop street lamps that indicate cameras. Placed by cops. In high crime areas. I sink into my seat.

About five minutes later, the OTHER employee approaches me.

"UHHH So we're like closing."

"I'm sorry, but I'm waiting for my friend..."

"No, we're like LEAVING. NOW. So, yeah. NOW."

I pick up my things, and I leave. And I bolt it to the nearest open building. I'm leaving Will a voicemail, when I realize I've approached a club, and the doors are wide open. There's even a security guard standing at the entrance, boasting a sign that reads "WE CARD EVERYONE".

So I know I can't go inside, but that doesn't matter, because tons of people are standing there, and there's no law stating that someone under 21 can't park themselves right outside the door. Besides, he was a SECURITY GUARD.

It's 9:55pm at this point, and I'm keeping an eye out for anyone and anything. More weirdos walk by, but the sight of the guard keeps them walking by without stopping to harass me.

I send Will a text. Something along the lines of PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE CLOSE!"

Then I remember he was watching a show. It was after THAT one that we were supposed to meet up.

It's 10:15. Another man approaches me. Something about sparing some change. My nerves are frazzled. "I HAVE NO CHANGE!" I practically yell, causing it to come out more like "OHAVENOCHANGE!" He walks off muttering.

Just then I get a text. Then another. Then another. All from Will demanding to know where I am, and that he was coming to get me.

I'm so happy I could cry.

I see him across the street, we meet up, and I'm saved.

First thing: I let him know he's never going to live this one down. His plan-making privileges have been officially revoked for the next two decades.
Next thing: We're enjoying a hilarious Improv show (on him, he kindly offered) and joking about the how amazing technology is, provided that you use it... Like text messaging (only works when you actually read them.) He's sorry about being late, the show he was watching went over time. I'm sorry about acting like an emotional lunatic.

In the end, a would-be disastrous evening turns out to be pretty darn great.

Because a friend like Will won't let you down, he'll only lead you astray a little bit... or a lot bit...
Because things are always funnier after the fact, no matter how convinced you are of your impending death DURING the events.
Because stranger danger applies to everyone. Even grown ups.

Because that's just How It Is.


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