2. We're always 100% sure that our friends are alive and well. (We haven't seen them in 6 months, but they "liked this" this morning, so they're fine.)
3. Pregnant teenagers no longer get grounded. They become television stars.
4. We can "follow" someone, and watch them "tweet" without getting arrested.
5. Everything is bigger: Portions, Cars, Implants...
6. We have 1000 channels with nothing to watch.
7. If you have an abnormal number of kids, we film you. If you're abnormally short, we film you. If you're from New Jersey, we film you. And when all of this gets old, we stick you on a show with other "celebrities" and see how fast you get voted off.
8. If someone has gone to prison, they're record is guaranteed to go platinum.
9. Everyone's favorite day is Friday, Friday, getting down on Friday.
10. Swine Flu has been replaced with Beiber Fever, which is equally as deadly. (side effects include reverse puberty.)
Because we should flaunt who we are.
Because who WOULDN'T want to watch an entire episode consisting of pumpkin people contracting further melanoma?
Because Bigger is Better
Because that's just How It Is.
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